A Letter to Myself

To Kaity on Sept. 18, 2011, one year ago.

Hello beautiful one. It’s your future calling. I just wanted to take the time to tell you a few things that you might need telling right now. I know today feels like the worst day of your life, and you’re experiencing more pain and heartbreak than you ever wanted to endure. That’s okay. No, seriously, it’s okay. Your whole world is spinning right now and it’s not fun, I know. But don’t be afraid to let yourself grieve, okay? A significant period of your life has ended, and it’s worth grieving over. So it’s okay to be sad, even after your friends have stopped thinking to ask how you’re doing. Believe it or not, a time will come when you’ll be okay with forgetting as well.

But I’m sure you’re also wondering where you start picking up the pieces of your life now. My best advice? Take it one day at a time, and don’t forget to pray. Whenever that cloud of sadness threatens you: pray. When something seemingly insignificant triggers a painful memory from the past: pray. When you’re crying yourself to sleep at night: pray. When you’re wondering if you’ll ever feel comfortable in your own skin again: pray. You’re not alone dearest. Let the Lord quiet you with His love, and know that He is enough. A day is coming soon when those depressing moments will become less and less, and they won’t rule your day-to-day. I promise.

I know you need comfort more than anything else right now, but I also have a warning for you. As time passes, you will be tempted to let anger and bitterness fester in your heart. It’s easy, even natural, but don’t do it. And don’t be quick to assume the worst of others. You will only hurt yourself in the end, and it’s not God’s plan for you. Just remember that forgiveness is a daily decision, not a one-time catch-all feeling. When those old hurts rear their ugly heads and consume your thoughts, remember how many times you’ve been forgiven, and be gracious.

I’m sure it’s hard to imagine a bright future for yourself right now. But don’t let that keep you from putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward in life, because I’ve gotta say, things are looking pretty sunny from where I’m standing in September 2012. 🙂 There’s so much you’re going to experience and learn in the next year, and I’m excited for you! You’ll remember what it’s like to really laugh again. You’re gonna take the time to slow down a bit and find out who you really are. You’ll realize that the world is so much bigger than you thought it was, and learn to dream big dreams for your future. You’ll be encouraged and built up by people you least expect. You’re FINALLY going to graduate from college and be SO glad you worked hard and stuck it out. You’re going to be more strong, more confident, and more comfortable with who you are. You’re going to land an amazing job that you don’t mind waking up at 6am for, and even find a few more fellow nerds to hang out with. And most importantly, you’ll be thirsting to know God more than you ever did before. I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t worry. Things may look bad right now, but you will be happy again. Not just “okay”, but real honest-to-goodness happy, whole, and content. Just give it time.

There’s so much more that I couldn’t even begin to tell you. I may be your future, but from where I’m sitting in the present, life is still uncertain, just like it always has been. It’s not always perfect, and it’s certainly not always pretty. Some things will change, and some things won’t. A year from now you’ll still have that “special” old car, student loans to pay off, and occasional drama to deal with, for instance. But at the end of the day, life is meant to be experienced to its fullest, so go out and live it! And if you let Jesus take you by the hand and lead you along the way…oh man. You’ll get nothing short of a life more beautiful and adventurous than you ever thought possible.

So chin up gorgeous, it only gets better from here. You can trust me on that. 😉

Kaity